We make these connections throughout our lives, sometimes they reoccur like themes. Life is pattern, pattern is life, and we go through these cycles... Sometimes we evolve, sometimes we run our heads into walls. Sometimes patterns lead us to other places with the same people we've known seemingly all of our lives.
This week I had the pleasure of editing a friend's book, also attempting to complete the blanket I'm making for the baby. I failed in the blanket, but in the book I feel I succeeded. I felt a closeness with this individual I haven't felt in a long while. He's on his way up the ladder.
And I've been his cheerleader for ages now, I was the one small voice that the Muppets talk about, before all of the other voices chimed in.
and I find myself thinking about how in a few short years I'll find myself cheer-leading my own children, invested from moment one. And I think of my childhood best friend, Kristine is her name. How she will experience that feeling for the first time in just a few weeks.
I remember her, when we were children, would scarcely say a word. She said she didn't have anything to say, she was too shy, and I helped her find her voice.
I believe in everyone else, but myself. I've no reason to believe. I've never done a single wonderful noteworthy thing in my life other than mind my children, people believe something else of me for a while, then they realize I'm something of a poser. When will the kids see that I'm a poser?
When will this depression just go the fuck away already?
I'm going to bed.
