Don't get me wrong, I am still writing at work, just the usual "this stuff is broken, and I fixed it this way." but nothing significant.
The stresses of life in general have gotten to me.
Aside from the depression of Paul's that has been constant for almost a year now, I've found myself battling my own, and in some cases actually allowing the depression to continue.
I've taken up smoking and a nocturnal life style which is counterproductive when considering that my husband is also on a nocturnal schedule and my kids are decidedly diurnal.
Also, I have a huge case of writer's block in regard to anything even pseudo productive.
So, my novels sit undone, or in a completed but not edited state.
Meanwhile, I've been doing some editing on a friend's work. (which can be purchased at the following link:Demonic and Other Tales: The Short Fiction of Garon Cockrell
So yes, the children...
Tabbers has been having Febrile seizures, which for those who do not know are seizures brought on by spiking fever. He has had one that I know of for sure, and another which I only suspect as I was not present for the seizure itself, just the after effects. In a toddler, the "post-ictal state is a screaming fit a half an hour long as the child becomes again re acclimated to the world. When Paul has these, he's simply non verbal, but wildly wide eyed. The best way to describe this state to those who do not know is this: Imagine you have landed on a strange planet where everything is completely different than your frame of reference. The language is different, social queues are different, the smells, sounds and most of all the people are different. To us, everything is the same, to the person who had the seizure, it's like Mars but the B movie sci fi Mars we remember from the 50s.
So yes, a toddler is going to scream bloody murder because he doesn't understand.
Dan, (who is the next oldest child) just turned five and decided to tell me on the way back from his yearly physical that he wants to be a sister, and not a brother, as he put it. Now, I had just read this article in the Daily Mail about twin boys; one of which becomes a girl due to hormone blocking at the age of 10.
I want my little Dan to be happy, and I like to think I'm as open minded as one can get, but the whole thought of losing my little boy... It frightens me. As much as I bitch about the sausage fest and a half that my house has become, I just don't think I could deal with more than one girl. Obviously, not making any rash decisions about it; I think every child idly wishes they could be the opposite sex at some point in their life.
I thought back to my pregnancy with Dan, and how I was a hormonal wreck and that I was absolutely sure that he was going to be a girl. Even for the first hour of his life, we thought he was female, (the midwife had an awful migraine and all of us, being a bit distracted, didn't notice he was holding his legs together as though his life depended on it.) In fact, we called him Kathleen for the first hour of his life, and had to call my mother in law frantically to explain where we went wrong. (let me tell you, that woman is one of the few in life who NEEDS call waiting, especially if there's a new baby involved!!) So, I've been mulling that over. I remember Evan going through a similar phase at 5, however. So, again, just a "what do I make of this and where do I stand." sort of hypothetical question. I must mention ethics and I are not... how to say... Friends.
Evan was diagnosed with Aspberger's disorder, and the U of M never got around to letting me know due to a computer error, (not a common one, but common enough that when the Doctor received my call 10 months after testing had been completed, the receptionist informed her this does happen.
They suggested getting Evan into play groups for other children like himself, and I of course considered it. However, Paul has the same disorder, was never in a playgroup and had to learn the hard way. I think he ended up turning out better for it. To some folks, Aspie's do not seem so strange. So, I'm waiting and seeing about that one, too.
Lily is still the pinnacle of popularity at her school, or so she tells me. She was on the swim team, where they completed the season with a win. She was very committed to doing well on the swim team, she wasn't drinking pop and she was eating a healthy diet, she even managed to drop a few pounds, (she's not heavy to begin with!) She can't seem to go through a week without some sort of world collapsing drama; however being twelve, the world IS a world collapsing drama. I remember 12 well; I hated every minute of it. I was a stand out, and everyone knew it. Lily is either fibbing so that I do not worry, or a complete polar opposite of myself and her Father, (her father is my ex, NOT Paul.) Lily's Father was always awkward in school as well. So, I must ask in earnest: WHO IS THIS KID AND WHAT DID SHE DO WITH MY DAUGHTER?
Well, I've already been up an hour later than I intended to be. Hopefully, if all goes well I'll manage to get some more written next week around this time, If I don't see you until then, be well and have a good week.
