Tuesday, May 14, 2013

a brilliant ruse

You've bested me.

Ok, you caught me being awesome.  

So first, I love my anxiety. I also love that it gives me insight into things when they aren't quite right.

Second, I love it when rumors are spread about me and friends of mine.  It makes me glad to know that I'm that important in someone's popularity contest to be considered for a rumor.  Thank you, I am to Princess Kate as you are to The Star.  I've always wanted to be a princess!  Really!  Now I get to be pretty and have all kinds of adventures!  Maybe even a knight in shining armor to rescue me!  Wouldn't that be lovely?

Third, I've had several years of training in theater and vocal music.  I'll let you decide what I mean by that.  Let me just say, the title of this entry should tell you everything you need to know about your current rumor.

Now you rumor loving folks... GO!  Make something fantastic up about me!  I want it to sparkle.
I really want to see the best you can do.  I want some sex, some violence, some scandal, and if you can somehow weave the President in there, that'd be rad.  Bonus points for gay lovers and saucy texts.

As a writer...  Your plot lacked depth and was too hyper realistic.  We don't write stories about the planes that land, people!  Did you not learn anything in journalism class?  When you read a good novel, it doesn't involve the mundane, like making coffee or going to the bathroom.  I hate to say it, but... I'm dull.  I really don't have anything to write a proper rumor about... so you should try harder to invent something.  See if you can make me brilliant and beautiful, too...  Oh, and I want a white horse and a fucking Ferrari!  


But really... seriously?  Lame attempt people... Lame.  Oh eme Gee!  Dani has a FRIEND!  WOW!
*shakes head*
Ok you guys, I'm going to go to bed now, I expect pictures of my head photoshopped onto Marilyn Monroe's body by tomorrow.  Do not disappoint me, rumor mill!  You are the last chance I have at living an interesting life, or getting back down to a size 12!


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