Saturday, December 22, 2012

Sticking it to myself

The following is a conversation I am having with myself, I'm allowing you to overhear this because I feel it's therapeutic.

Left: You stupid bitch, you did it again?  What the hell are you thinking?  You feel people, you know how they feel and even though you got very intentional signs that things were wrong, you kept on with your melodramatic whining about everything under the sun.  How does it feel to be alone again?  To not be able to express yourself to ANYONE?  Happy now?

Right: Somehow I thought it was ok, I was told it was ok.  How was I supposed to know better?

Left: Because you ignorant half wit, you know the way these things are.  You won't have that kind of relationship again, stop trying to make everyone into Eugene.  That was, get this, at minimum TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO, yet you think people give a shit about you?  What is wrong with you, seriously?  He didn't even care.

Right: Yes he did.  We were close.  We were friends.  How dare you even call him by name?  Don't you know we're online?

Left: You aren't close now.  I don't care if we're online, if I want to mention a heartache that YOU caused, I will.  And it's your fault you cunt.  You thought you had everything worked out and you ruin it again and again... What about that nice gal we used to sit and smoke with?  What'd you do, push her away?

Right: I HAD to, she pushed first, she doesn't want me around.  Then she started going through my stuff looking for another violation of her trust, and she found one, big fucking surprise.

Left: Oh, and I suppose that's my fault?

Right: Damn right it is!  Freckin rumor loving hussy.  You are always opening your stupid mouth and trying to get ahead.  Or better yet, maybe you could have stopped for a moment and realized that you needed to erase those text messages.  It isn't my job to sit here and think about that.   Politician. You need to stop taking all of this so seriously. 

Left: I can't help it, everyone else is taking it all so seriously.  What am I to do?  And why would I expend effort that I don't need to?

Right: Well you needed to obviously.  Perhaps you should start THINKING FOR YOUR GODDAMNED SELF?

Left: Well, lets go over this most recent one, seems we've had 2 in 2 weeks... Why are you so neurotic?

Right: Because... I am.  I've accepted that and moved on.  I give opportunity for people to come and go as they please.  I will eat up all of everyone's resources, it's true.  I'm a big drama loving whore I guess.  Must be the center of someone's attention.

Left: Well I'm not ok with it!  Start acting like a normal brain would you?  Fuck you.  You've cost me enough.  I'm succeeding.

Right: You can't you moron, we're connected.

Left: I don't care if we're connected, I'm leaving you!

Right: but... you can't... I'd be alone then... completely alone.

Left: Yes, you would be that'd be the whole fucking point, I'd be alone, maybe finally I could think clearly.

Right: But, we did that before... and I was drown out... and wasn't allowed to speak.  I sat here in my tie dyed haze and had to stay silent.  I could not tell anyone about the beauty I saw.  I had to stay quiet, it's like we told that guy... Cave, bottling plant, we told him that was BAD, remember?

Left:  Well, maybe so, but you've ruined everything?  You have to stay quiet now.  There is no more beauty, you are not allowed to speak!

Right: ...




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