No pacifier? No problem!

On the way home this evening Tom decided to do his best impression of a Velociraptor. I will tell you he makes a convincing one. He's got the shriek down, I'm surprised he hasn't shattered the windows of our car.

We forgot to bring a pacifier with us from Nana's house.

I did not bring the iPod to put on soothing music, (because if VelocirapTOM can be calmed by anything it is classical music) all we were left with were the unattractive choices of (a) one of Dan's Mario toys - which he guards as though he were Fort Knox and Mario was made of gold, (b) Evan's Backpack which in general makes a poor chew toy, or (c) Mommy's nearly 2 month old Android phone.

Naturally, I chose the phone.

I mean, it's got a protective case on it. It's chewy, its (mostly) waterproof...
and so, I picked the least obtrusive app I could, the news and weather. I left it on weather and handed the phone to Tom.
and he sat, and he stared at it. He stared at it nearly the whole way home. You could almost see the wheels in his head turning.
"What am I gonna do with this?" he thought.

Then he discovered something, if he waved it, it was as though the light coming from the phone bent in dancing waves, either that, or he knows that this phone is a much sought after toy of his older brothers. He sat there, waving it at them, making it dance, until we rounded the corner to home, and I told Paul, "The amazing thing is, he hasn't even tried to put it in his mouth!" Dan asked me if he could play Youtube videos on my phone after Tom was done. I wanted to say yes, but at the same time I was kind of relishing the baby giving him the "in your face" victory phone dance. I should mention here that I am by far the youngest of 3 children.

Yeah, Paul was right, I shouldn't have said anything.

He put it in his mouth. The phone is no worse for wear, but yeah, the top of it was a gloopy, baby slobbered mess.

Go, youngest baby, GO! Extract your judgement upon all other rival babies!
Ok, so my husband, (middle child in every sense of the word) wouldn't agree. Saying "That isn't fair, Mommy, every kid should get a turn." Let 'em use your phone, dude... The Mama phone is ONLY for the youngest... or people who were formerly the youngest... erm... I guess that's everyone isn't it?

The following are merely my views, if you don't agree, don't post here because I don't care and I'll erase any trolling or flaming responses made. You don't have to agree with me but lets follow kindergarten rules, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

Saturday is the Apocalypse, says some old dude.
I am due at a wedding that day, and it's my youngest son's birthday. I'm sorry, Jesus, you're gonna have to wait, I'm booked up solid until 8pm at least. I can't give you your Tarot reading or help you pick gemstones, dance around a bonfire OR do yoga with you until at least 9pm. According to some old dude, 6pm is the time you're choosing... But if you wanna do any of those fun things we planned on for that post-apocalypse-strava-ganza we talked about a while back. It's Garon's birthday, too. You're gonna have to wait until the next day before you put Cali into the ocean. Garon's too good a guy and has worked too hard to NOT see his 31st, besides, it wouldn't be fair to let me suffer through my 31st and not make him suffer through his.
I've got too many former classmates and good friends over in Cali. You're just gonna have to "Atlas" that sucker up until they all get off the island. Hope you brought lunch, and a fan, you're gonna be there a while.

As for me and mine, Jesus, I'm not concerned. You aren't bringing me or my family up there with ya. Not without a fight. My kids are scientists. They wanna see how the world works and the sterile streets of heaven are no place for scientific children. NO mud puddles, no worms, a complete lack of gross and icky. They live by the golden rule, because the truth of the matter is when you have 3 siblings, you HAVE to be nice to all of them. Otherwise the others team up on you and you end up with gross and icky in your bed. My dear Jesus, we have far too many dirty diapers around these parts to not live by the golden rule, otherwise the golden rule becomes a golden shower from the baby!

We have far too much work going on down here, we are still figuring out all these crazy ass puzzles that you and your Pops put down here how many ever years ago.
So Jesus, the Pagan rite to make you a Wiccan can wait. The visit to the Synagogue and the Mosque and the Temple, too. You can skip out on the Interfaith Community Centers, but do Jesus, do visit those who are in it for their own gain. Do visit those who are worried only for their finances and not for the rest of humankind. Do make them understand the error of their ways. Let them see and understand Karma really IS a well, Female Dog... bring those "Christians", who wear your religion like a hat, with you because we sure as hell don't need them down here. Let 'em live up in heaven, let them have the good life and let the rest of us "suffer" down here in our perfectly imperfect world. We like it here. And let us all understand the meaning of Peace and Love for ALL HUMANKIND NOW.
As for me, I'm going to bed. I'm gonna rest easy knowing that on Saturday everything is going to be exactly the same, I'm gonna be woken up a minimum of 3 times overnight and I'm gonna stumble to my husband's cousin's wedding half awake and hope that I do not snore during the ceremony.